Another song from Eminem’s 2009 “Relapse” is “My Darling.” In this track, Eminem is creatively facing his addiction issues. In this track, Eminem is in a conversation with Slim Shady/ his drug addiction, where his alter ego is trying to get Eminem to realize that he and his addiction, AKA Slim Shady, are the same. They can’t be separated.
    Slim Shady is trying to get Eminem to realize that he needs his addiction to be successful. I believe this is because drugs have been a subject of Eminem’s music since the beginning of his career, especially since the Slim Shady alter ego was created. Also, this song illustrates Eminem’s fear of creating music without the influence of drugs.

 In the chorus of the song, Eminem states:
“My darling, I don't ever want you to leave me, my darling
You and me were meant to be together, my darling
And if I cannot have you, no one can, you're my darling
‘Cause I possess your soul, your mind, your heart and your body
I don't ever want you to leave me, my darling
You and me were meant to be together, my darling
And if I cannot have you, no one can, you're my darling
‘Cause I possess your soul, your mind, your heart and your body”

​This is Shady reminding Eminem that the two egos are the same and they can’t be separated. When it comes to addiction, I believe this is very relatable. When we spend a lot of our time indulging in any kind of addiction, that habit and that addiction becomes part of our identity. In my porn addiction, I often didn’t know how to act or behave without my addiction. In the times when I would try to watch TV/movies or relax with any other hobby, my body would crave the images as well as the physical motions that come with porn and masturbation. It seemed that I could not live without my addiction. Even to this day, when I am watching TV or a movie, I need to have something to do with my hands that keeps me from scrolling on my phone, looking for pornographic material. I need to separate myself from my addiction.

Eminem continues;
“Ha-ha, you sold your soul to me, need I remind you?
You remember that night you
Prayed to God you'd give anything to get a record deal? Well, Dre signed you
This is what you wanted your whole life, Marshall, right? Ooh
Look at this house, look at these cars: they're so nice, woo!
Oh, but you didn't know fame has a price too?
That you just now seeing the downside to
Lose your best friend from high school, your wife too
Ain't even sure if your kids like you.”

This stanza holds a lot of details within it. It shows that even though Eminem wanted to be able to make a living with his music, he didn’t expect to lose so much in his personal life due to his musical career. According to this verse, he questions his relationship with his wife and his children regarding his musical career and subsequently his addiction.
    While I do not doubt that Eminem has always loved and cared for his family, I also wonder how his addiction affected his relationship with his family. This is also depicted in Eminem’s newest music video, “Somebody Save Me,” where he discussed this in more detail.
    In my experience, my addiction has isolated me from my wife at times because while I am spending time with her, I often find myself desiring any alone time to indulge in Porn. When I am relaxing with my wife, my mind is roaming, waiting for the time I could go to the internet.
    When I realized that this fog was clouding my couple’s time with my wife, I truly refocused my mind to be in the moment with my wife. When I realized that I was isolating myself for the sake of my addiction, I knew that I was tearing apart the relationship with my wife. This needed to be reconciled.
    While I am not fully recovered, I am more aware of my habits with the internet. Am I scrolling too much? Am I intentionally, or unintentionally, searching for material that I can indulge further in my addiction? Being aware of the habits that triggered my addictive personality, I can take further steps to repair my mind and my relationship with my family and friends.

In Eminem’s 2009 release entitled “Relapse,” he discusses his struggles with addiction through various horror stories as he relates these stories to his actual relapse that nearly took his life. In my opinion, one of the stand-out songs from the album was the song entitled, “Deja Vu.” In this song, Eminem goes into detail about his addiction, even eluding to the fact that his propensity for substances began earlier in his family tree. Eminem is simply another victim of the disease.
    In the song, he states;

“As I fall deeper into a manic state
I'm a prime candidate for the gene
To receive the drug addict trait”

    I always found this stanza vital to the song. The lines have become more revolutionary as I have encountered my battles with addiction. I also had to come to terms with the reality that the battles that my parents faced; I am now facing. The only difference is the substance. According to family members, my mom became addicted to speed. I experienced my father delving into alcoholism. My father also had an addiction to cocaine in his younger years. As for me, I quickly became addicted to porn.
    All too often addiction is handed down from generation to generation; showing the progressive disease that is inherited over time. I have also learned that addiction develops from unhealthy coping mechanisms that we use when we are stressed, depressed, or we are struggling to understand what we are thinking and feeling. Understanding this more now, I can take better care of my mental health to help deal with the desire to indulge in my addiction.
    In the song, Eminem continues;

“I seem to gravitate to the bottle of NyQuil then I salivate
Start off with the NyQuil, like, "I think I'll just have a taste"
Couple of sips of that then I gradually graduate
To a harder prescription drug called Valium like, "Yeah, that's great"
I go to just take one and I end up like having eight”

In Eminem’s case, his addictive personality showed through his dependency on sleeping medications. According to this section of verse one; he started off using NyQuil, but quickly escalated to harder prescription drugs to get sleep and rest. In my case, my porn consumption has increased a lot over the years. It not only increased in the amount that I was consuming, but it also increased in the type of porn that I was watching. For instance, towards the end of junior high and going into high school, I mostly found nude images of celebrities. In my adult life, I was looking into websites that provided videos.
    Simultaneously, while I needed different types of media to crave the itch of my pornographic desires, I found out that I also needed more graphic material to feel the same level of satisfaction at the end of the day. My tolerance was increasing at a dramatic rate. With that dramatic jump in tolerance, I would spend more time-consuming porn. In my earlier days, I might watch porn for 30-45 minutes; at the height of my addiction, I could spend three to four hours consuming porn in a single session. Even then, I wasn’t satisfied; I would then binge porn for days at a time; A very unhealthy amount.
    Later in the song, Eminem adds;

"Maybe just a nice cold brew, what's a beer?"
That's the devil in my ear, I've been sober a f***in’ year
And that fucker still talks to me, he's all I can f***ing hear”

    This is a sign of rationalizing. Eminem is trying to convince himself that he will not fully relapse from simply drinking a bit of alcohol. These are often steps that the brain will take to deceive the addict into indulging. This is an extremely slippery slope. Most addicts need to stay diligent when this temptation is approaching because if they do not, they are very likely to relapse.
    In regards to rationalizing when it comes to porn, I often find myself thinking that simply scrolling social media aimlessly without issue. I will also rationalize by telling myself that looking at a few Instagram models will not harm me. The truth is, this will create an opportunity to relapse. Since my brain is wired to want and need the dopamine that is provided when consuming porn, I need to work hard to rewire my brain. I cannot engage in material that will remind me of something I am trying to recover from.
    It is time for recovery. I understand that I need to be aware of my addiction and the steps that I need to take to recover. This is why I am sharing my story and connecting it with artists who openly share their recovery through their art. Through songs like this, I feel heard and empowered as I am seeking recovery. I know that I can heal and recover from my addiction. I realize that seeking recovery does not make one weak; it makes one strong.

    I will recover. I will remain strong.