Another song from Eminem’s 2009 “Relapse” is “My Darling.” In this track, Eminem is creatively facing his addiction issues. In this track, Eminem is in a conversation with Slim Shady/ his drug addiction, where his alter ego is trying to get Eminem to realize that he and his addiction, AKA Slim Shady, are the same. They can’t be separated.
    Slim Shady is trying to get Eminem to realize that he needs his addiction to be successful. I believe this is because drugs have been a subject of Eminem’s music since the beginning of his career, especially since the Slim Shady alter ego was created. Also, this song illustrates Eminem’s fear of creating music without the influence of drugs.

 In the chorus of the song, Eminem states:
“My darling, I don't ever want you to leave me, my darling
You and me were meant to be together, my darling
And if I cannot have you, no one can, you're my darling
‘Cause I possess your soul, your mind, your heart and your body
I don't ever want you to leave me, my darling
You and me were meant to be together, my darling
And if I cannot have you, no one can, you're my darling
‘Cause I possess your soul, your mind, your heart and your body”

​This is Shady reminding Eminem that the two egos are the same and they can’t be separated. When it comes to addiction, I believe this is very relatable. When we spend a lot of our time indulging in any kind of addiction, that habit and that addiction becomes part of our identity. In my porn addiction, I often didn’t know how to act or behave without my addiction. In the times when I would try to watch TV/movies or relax with any other hobby, my body would crave the images as well as the physical motions that come with porn and masturbation. It seemed that I could not live without my addiction. Even to this day, when I am watching TV or a movie, I need to have something to do with my hands that keeps me from scrolling on my phone, looking for pornographic material. I need to separate myself from my addiction.

Eminem continues;
“Ha-ha, you sold your soul to me, need I remind you?
You remember that night you
Prayed to God you'd give anything to get a record deal? Well, Dre signed you
This is what you wanted your whole life, Marshall, right? Ooh
Look at this house, look at these cars: they're so nice, woo!
Oh, but you didn't know fame has a price too?
That you just now seeing the downside to
Lose your best friend from high school, your wife too
Ain't even sure if your kids like you.”

This stanza holds a lot of details within it. It shows that even though Eminem wanted to be able to make a living with his music, he didn’t expect to lose so much in his personal life due to his musical career. According to this verse, he questions his relationship with his wife and his children regarding his musical career and subsequently his addiction.
    While I do not doubt that Eminem has always loved and cared for his family, I also wonder how his addiction affected his relationship with his family. This is also depicted in Eminem’s newest music video, “Somebody Save Me,” where he discussed this in more detail.
    In my experience, my addiction has isolated me from my wife at times because while I am spending time with her, I often find myself desiring any alone time to indulge in Porn. When I am relaxing with my wife, my mind is roaming, waiting for the time I could go to the internet.
    When I realized that this fog was clouding my couple’s time with my wife, I truly refocused my mind to be in the moment with my wife. When I realized that I was isolating myself for the sake of my addiction, I knew that I was tearing apart the relationship with my wife. This needed to be reconciled.
    While I am not fully recovered, I am more aware of my habits with the internet. Am I scrolling too much? Am I intentionally, or unintentionally, searching for material that I can indulge further in my addiction? Being aware of the habits that triggered my addictive personality, I can take further steps to repair my mind and my relationship with my family and friends.

In Eminem’s 2009 release entitled “Relapse,” he discusses his struggles with addiction through various horror stories as he relates these stories to his actual relapse that nearly took his life. In my opinion, one of the stand-out songs from the album was the song entitled, “Deja Vu.” In this song, Eminem goes into detail about his addiction, even eluding to the fact that his propensity for substances began earlier in his family tree. Eminem is simply another victim of the disease.
    In the song, he states;

“As I fall deeper into a manic state
I'm a prime candidate for the gene
To receive the drug addict trait”

    I always found this stanza vital to the song. The lines have become more revolutionary as I have encountered my battles with addiction. I also had to come to terms with the reality that the battles that my parents faced; I am now facing. The only difference is the substance. According to family members, my mom became addicted to speed. I experienced my father delving into alcoholism. My father also had an addiction to cocaine in his younger years. As for me, I quickly became addicted to porn.
    All too often addiction is handed down from generation to generation; showing the progressive disease that is inherited over time. I have also learned that addiction develops from unhealthy coping mechanisms that we use when we are stressed, depressed, or we are struggling to understand what we are thinking and feeling. Understanding this more now, I can take better care of my mental health to help deal with the desire to indulge in my addiction.
    In the song, Eminem continues;

“I seem to gravitate to the bottle of NyQuil then I salivate
Start off with the NyQuil, like, "I think I'll just have a taste"
Couple of sips of that then I gradually graduate
To a harder prescription drug called Valium like, "Yeah, that's great"
I go to just take one and I end up like having eight”

In Eminem’s case, his addictive personality showed through his dependency on sleeping medications. According to this section of verse one; he started off using NyQuil, but quickly escalated to harder prescription drugs to get sleep and rest. In my case, my porn consumption has increased a lot over the years. It not only increased in the amount that I was consuming, but it also increased in the type of porn that I was watching. For instance, towards the end of junior high and going into high school, I mostly found nude images of celebrities. In my adult life, I was looking into websites that provided videos.
    Simultaneously, while I needed different types of media to crave the itch of my pornographic desires, I found out that I also needed more graphic material to feel the same level of satisfaction at the end of the day. My tolerance was increasing at a dramatic rate. With that dramatic jump in tolerance, I would spend more time-consuming porn. In my earlier days, I might watch porn for 30-45 minutes; at the height of my addiction, I could spend three to four hours consuming porn in a single session. Even then, I wasn’t satisfied; I would then binge porn for days at a time; A very unhealthy amount.
    Later in the song, Eminem adds;

"Maybe just a nice cold brew, what's a beer?"
That's the devil in my ear, I've been sober a f***in’ year
And that fucker still talks to me, he's all I can f***ing hear”

    This is a sign of rationalizing. Eminem is trying to convince himself that he will not fully relapse from simply drinking a bit of alcohol. These are often steps that the brain will take to deceive the addict into indulging. This is an extremely slippery slope. Most addicts need to stay diligent when this temptation is approaching because if they do not, they are very likely to relapse.
    In regards to rationalizing when it comes to porn, I often find myself thinking that simply scrolling social media aimlessly without issue. I will also rationalize by telling myself that looking at a few Instagram models will not harm me. The truth is, this will create an opportunity to relapse. Since my brain is wired to want and need the dopamine that is provided when consuming porn, I need to work hard to rewire my brain. I cannot engage in material that will remind me of something I am trying to recover from.
    It is time for recovery. I understand that I need to be aware of my addiction and the steps that I need to take to recover. This is why I am sharing my story and connecting it with artists who openly share their recovery through their art. Through songs like this, I feel heard and empowered as I am seeking recovery. I know that I can heal and recover from my addiction. I realize that seeking recovery does not make one weak; it makes one strong.

    I will recover. I will remain strong.

In Music to be Murdered by-Side B, which was the surprise follow up to the Eminem’s eleventh solo album that was released at the beginning of 2020, Eminem releases the inspirational song, “Higher.” The song incapsulates the feelings of Eminem’s success in the music industry and his motivation to continue to strive for more.

According to many, fans and critics alike, it would be easy to believe that Eminem has reached his peak and cannot achieve much more in his art and in his craft, but it seems that Eminem would beg to differ from the majority. We can see this with the catchy chorus to the song:

Chorus:
“Where am I supposed to go from here?
Really I have no idea
All I know is every time I think I hit my ceiling
I go higher than I've ever f-in‘ been
Where am I supposed to go from here?
Really I have no idea
All I know is every time I think I hit my ceiling
I go higher than I've ever f-in’ been.”

According to Eminem, he has not reached his peak, but he believes that he has a lot more to prove to himself and then to his critics. Even in the midst of his recent failures, which he acknowledges in this song, it is easy to see that Eminem will continue to strive for his best with each new release.

Even when people try to disrespect is art or his ability to keep up with the newer artists, Eminem pens that he has not lost his dedication to the art form that he loves, but on the contrary, he seems to strive even more to be the best.

“Got no time for no haters in this bit-
Or toleration for this sh-
But like medication, my dedication
And the time it takes to do this sh-
Reminds me of how an overcrowded hospital waiting room'll get
What I mean is maybe I have more patience (patients) than I'm able to admit”

Eminem has shown his dedication to his craft with every new song that he has released. Every song is well-crafted and well-performed. It is obvious that Eminem still has plenty in the tank and a lot more to say. It seems that not only does Eminem use his current struggles as inspiration for his songs, but he also uses his struggles throughout his life to stay motivated when creating.

“Been in survival mode
Since a five year old, it was I alone
Since my trike was stole, spiral notebook and microphone
But lookin' back how bad it was then
If it hadn't been for the pad and the pen
Addict mom and deadbeat dad
I wouldn't have had the savage within
Havin' to win every single battle I'm in."

In the first lines of the third verse, Eminem admits that he has had this desire to be the best at his craft from an early age because he wanted to ensure that he would not repeat the pattern that his family set before him. Instead he wanted to strive for better.

At my first listen, this was the line that immediately grabbed my attention. One, for it’s clever word-play and delivery but secondly, for the way that it seemingly resigned within me. I immediately recalled having a similar desire from a young age.

My connection to Eminem and and his music has been evident since the release of his first studio Album, “The Slim Shady LP.” With songs like “Brain Damage” and “Rock Bottom” instantly let me know that Eminem was pulling from his real-life experiences to craft his songs. I was instantly able to connect to the real-life stories. This has not changed in the 20 plus year career.

When it comes to the song “Higher” from Music to be Murdered by-Side B, I instantly felt the survival instinct that was penned into each verse. As a newly married man who was struggling to not slip back into poverty while at the same time studying to pass an important exam that would allow me to keep my job, I too felt like I was in survival mode.

With every listen I was encouraged to keep pushing myself my limits. I was able to stay focused, study longer, and eventually pass my exam. Even though I failed the exam multiple times, I was determined to work harder and not allow my previous attempts to determine my future. I often found myself replaying the song to keep myself motivated and moving forward.

Even with a more solid marriage and a stable path for my future, “Higher” serves as a reminder of what I have been able to accomplish and what more I still have to prove to myself as well as those who may doubt me.

I am not done, in fact, I am just getting started. I have been able to build the foundations of a career, maintain a marriage, and co-create a household that I can be proud of. Yet, from here I will build a strong family unit that places their faith in God and bring change to the world.

These goals are valid. These goals are obtainable. These goals will grow and develop as life progresses. Just as the song indicates:

“All I know is every time I think I hit my ceiling
I go higher than I've ever f-in’ been.”

Every so often we face situations or circumstances that shake us to the very core. These moments make us question all that we understand and all that we believe, especially when we are faced with the health and well being of a family member or someone that we love.

​
In the 2010 single, “Show me a God” by Kansas City rap artist, Tech N9ne, the audience walks through these same moments as Tech begins to confront these very thoughts and fears as he watches his mother struggle with her health and her mental state.


As first listen, I was under the impression that the rap pioneer was making a mockery of God and Jesus, but upon further review and analyzing of the lyrics I was quickly able to relate to the pain that courses through the words of the independent artist.


Now, ten years after the song’s initial release, I am able to relate now more than ever. Due to the fact that I, as well as my wife, now have a family members battling their own health issues.  We are now standing beside our own family, asking many of the same questions that are addressed in this song.


Questions:
Why did this happened? Or Why does God allow this?

As we grow in our faith or as we grow as adults our way of thinking and our understanding of the most complicated aspects of life will develop and evolve. We begin to understand things that a young child can never wrap their mind around. The more we grow in our faith the more likely it is that we will face a situation that forces us to ask this question. Whether we are facing cancer, death, poverty, starvation or hatred,   we begin to wonder why God allows this type of suffering in our lives.


Tech n9ne asks it this way:


“How come an angel gotta be sick in the pancreas like she an atheist?
Maybe it's the faith that is making this lady as crazy and has made me this skeptic
Next threat is Lupus on top of Epileptic, Never rested
Psychiatrist forever tested, Reverend blessed it
Brethren, Heaven, Tech is begging' for effin' X-Mas”


Throughout this song, we see Tech questioning his faith in God due to his mother’s pain and suffering. This is entirely understandable. Men like Job and Habakkuk, as well as countless others in the Bible experience similar suffering without any notice or reason and they are left thinking the same thing; Why?


On the website, explored.com, it is stated this way, “The Bible leaves many of our questions about suffering unanswered. However, what it does do is tell us the story of a God who has come close to us in the midst of our suffering, who actually suffered for us, who will one day destroy suffering forever.”


The Bible says it this way:


“Out of my distress I called on the Lord;
    the Lord answered me and set me free.
The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.
    What can man do to me?” Psalm 118:5-6.


This verse shows that God hears our prayers of distress and brokenness, which means that God is also close enough to us to set us free from our brokenness. Too often it through our suffering and our brokenness that we are drawn closer to God. I believe that is one of the reasons for our suffering, to bring us closer to a God that can relate to our pain because God has experienced the pain through his son, Jesus. Therefore, God can heal us from our suffering, even if it after the suffering has taken place.


“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4


Is God listening to our prayers?


As believers who are involved in the church and involved in the church community, It is extremely difficult when we are facing a life-changing situations that causes us to questions whether God hear our prayers. While we are praying for God to bring healing to our family members or to bring healing to broken relationships, it gets very discouraging when it seems like our prayers go unanswered. When our prayers go answered, how can we be expected to keep praying and keep hoping that God will heal? How can we keep from growing tired and loosing faith in the God that we follow?


Tech n9ne asks it this way:


“In the church every Sunday
I've been searching' for one way
Or another, you're gonna have to curse me or burst me with a sun-ray
To let me know that you're coming or en route
I'm 'bout ninety-nine, but I need a hundred percent proof.”


Tech shares that through this time of unfair suffering that he’s searching for answers, which is bringing him to church and to God, but he ultimately feels ignored and as if his prayers are not being heard. Once again, I understand that struggle, especially when you’re seeking such important answers.


The Bible says it this way:


Throughout the entire Bible, God reveals to us that he hears our crying and our destress to our suffering. Ultimately, we see that we need God in our lives. We do not need freedom from our suffering. We soon see that our suffering is what brought us face-to-face to God, where we realize how much we needed God to begin with. exploregod.com says it this way, “When Job sees God, he no longer needs an answer. God himself is the answer. Job responds with joy and repentance.”   


“But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in tribulation, and all these things come upon you in the latter days, you will return to the Lord your God and obey his voice.” Deuteronomy 4:29-30.


These versus that mention that we will encounter God and listen to God’s voice is not an “or else” scenario, it is actually us coming to terms with the goodness of God and realizing that we actually have a desire to know God and follow in what God has said throughout the Bible. Even in the midst of our suffering it is better to know God than to go through the same suffering without a God who relates the suffering and who can guide us through the pain.   




To sum it up exploregod.com gives us a simple, yet impactful choice: “Suffering can sweeten and deepen us. Suffering can poison and embitter us. We have a choice.”


explored.com-


https://www.exploregod.com/articles/a-deeper-look-at-what-the-bible-says-about-pain-and-suffering

In the world that we live in today, we see a variety of people and personalities. As we grow and develop as men, often times our cultures developed us and transforms us into many types of men. As young men who trust in God, we quickly realize that the culture’s ideas of masculinity is often off kilter to what God’s word defines as a Godly man.


This week we are discussing the image of masculinity in our current world and how it compares   to the definition of a Godly man. In order to delve into this heavy topic, I want to analyze the songs and lyrics of “Man Up.”


“Man Up” was release in 2011 from the 116 Clique, Which consisted of Reach Records label mates  such as Lecrae, Tripp Lee, Sho Baraka, Derek Minor and Andy Mineo. The Album was accompanied by a film written and directed by Sho Baraka and it attempts to give an accurate depiction of a faith-based manhood in our current culture.


Man up Anthem: The album begins with the anthem of men who declare their love and relationships with the LORD. This is song brings proof that real manliness is found in God and manhood is fully developed when you trust God and follow in the path that God has for you. The lyrics to the song shows an accurate comparison to a culture that expects men to be drunkards, violent and womanizers as opposed to a man who loves God and loves people.


Looking over this album years later as well as seeing manhood in our culture, I believe that the messages in these songs are still relevant today. While the Hip Hop culture also has a variety of “anthems” of what is means to be a man, I see that the Hip Hop culture continues to create overly masculine men that cause more harm than good.


Authority: “If you can’t follow, you can never lead./…..A real man bows down to authority./” In the world we live in, especially within the Hip Hop culture, the men often display very dominate personalities, who the men are expected to be leaders who do not follow any other authority. For lack of better term, they blaze their own trail and they don’t need to be under the authority of anyone else. We are told that a “real man” bushes his way through with heartless acts and they create opportunities.


The truth is, in God’s view a real man is a man who leads a family, a business or an organization through living under the authority of those who are older and wiser than they are. In other words, a Godly man is called to be a leader within his community by he should be held accountable by his mentors and by God. Through scripture, we see that God calls men to be a leader within his family. That means that men are called to develop and lead their families as they follow God. As men follow follow, they lead their family to do the same.   


Responsibility: Growing from a boy to a man is an amazing gift. It is also a Godly calling that should be taken seriously. It is common knowledge that as we grow into our adult roles, we tend to take on more responsibility in life; we fall in love, we get married. When we develop a career, we buy cars and houses. When we gain wisdom, we raise kids. These are the facts of life that contribute to our culture and our economy. Yet, real manliness means that as you grow into your adult role, you will also develop a reasonability for these things. For example, when a man marries a woman, he takes responsibility over the provision of that developing families.


The truth is, as men grow closer to God, they will treasure their responsibilities and they will take ownership of what God has given us. In other words, Whether it’s a family member or a job, when a man takes responsibly, he leads with wisdom and courage and he refuses to make excuses to his mistakes.


Envy: Envy is a dangerous seed to plant in our hearts. When we look at the world’s definition of   manliness, it seems that envy is truly at the root of a lot of young men. It seems that young boys often look to those that are older than them and they often begin to want what the others want and what they have. In many cases, those within the Hip Hop culture often allow envy to drive them into their careers. That means that their envy becomes the driving force of their  lives.


This is dangerous because when we are driven by envy often we make choices that could neglect our values and morals. As believers we are asked to trust God to use our talents for His glory and impact. That means that we trust God to expand our talents and reach the audience that we are meant to reach. If we envy those with a higher influence than ours, our minds are clouded by the desire to match some else’s skills and talent and we would not be able to focus on what God is doing in our lives and in our ministry.    


Courage: “I walk in the confidence of ten men, only because my confidence is in him.” Confidence is a great thing to develop, but the question is, what does your confidence lie in? Often it seems that most men’s confidence relies on their own abilities or the amount of capital and property that can accumulate throughout their lives. This holds even more true more the Hip Hop culture. The men who lead the culture often brag about the extravagant lifestyles that they have and how they have obtained it.


While gathering property and capital is not bad, if the gathering of these possessions was solely to create envy in others, then it soon poisons the heart and develops a false sense of confidence. Yet, When our confidence lives in God then we are able to keep a pure heart toward the people and families that surround our daily lives. When our confidence is found is God, we can effectively lead our families and develop our communities.   


Temptation: “My body’s not my mine, it’s yours.” Sex is one of the most driving presence in our culture. Within Hip Hop sex is often very overly exposed. Also, the use of sex is used to drive in spectators and participates. In a world of masculinity being developed outside of the family, the Hip Hop leaders show that their thirst for sex is insatiable and too often their sex drive is not contained within their marriage. They often brag about their sexual ventures with a variety of women.
The truth is, our sex drives is very powerful and it is very important that we develop a safe sex life that displays God’s plan. Our sex drive is meant to bring a male and female closer, not only a physical level, but a spiritual level. When our sex lives is expanded to various women with no care of feelings and connection, often we hurt ourselves as Well as those that we sexually engage with.   
   
Repentance: In Hip Hop there is no repentance. Once an action is taken and acted out, there is no repentance for those actions. It is too often that masculinity is shown as tough guy talk. Toxic masculinity allow us to create a world where men can bully, harm and hurt anybody that they would like without any thought to the families that they are hurting.


The truth is, God understands that the world that we live in is broken and fully of wickedness, yet, God loves us regardless. God has shown us that we are broken and that we often make bad and hurtful choices that God does not approve of. God offers us forgiveness, but part of that forgiveness is handed to us when we turn away from our brokenness and our choices and turn over to God, which allows God to redirect our steps. ​

DMX- DMX is the ultimate survivor. DMX created songs that told a relatable story and allowed the listener to feel and understand his struggle. With songs like “Slippin’”, “I Miss you,” “Goodbye” You get a great feel for the rapper’s personal struggles as well as his struggles with his fame and drug use. As a young fan of Hip Hop, Dmx allowed me to experience an entirely different lifestyle that I never would have experienced.
​Throughout the years of his career, DMX showed me a gritty, yet relatable approach to his music. As a young writer, I looked at DMX’s honesty as an inspiration of my own writing. You can be honest and open and still be appealing to any and anyone who would listen.



Tech N9ne- Tech N9ne is the epitome of a lyricists; with little effort , he creates word combinations and alliterations that bend the mind into a pretzel of shock and awe.
At the same time Tech is able to create songs that allow the listener to experience the most difficult emotions to express through music. With Songs like “Fragile”, “Real Killer” “Mama Nem” and “Show me a God” the listener is given an open invitation into the mind, life and pain of one of the most talented MCs in Hip Hop.
As a young writer, listening to Tech N9ne always encouraged me to be imaginative with my lyrics and my wordplay as well as being open bout my struggles.
 
Eminem-Eminem is the ultimate underdog. A natural competitor that continues to fight for his spot in Hip Hop history. With motivating songs like “Not afraid” , “8 Mile” and “Till I Collapse” Eminem motives the listener to get up and chase their dream for a better life.
Along with his ability to motivate the next generation, Em has a dark sense of that allows self-deprecating lyrics that shows that you don’t always have to take yourself too seriously.
As a young writer and even into today, Eminem’s music has always been a place of inspiration as well as self-awareness as I learn to connect my personal thoughts and feels to the lyrics that I’m writing. I was able to discover who I was and put it into my lyrics.

Tupac-Tupac is the Heart of Hip Hop. Tupac’s intelligence continuously showed through his lyrics as he penned lyrics that are still relevant to the world we live in today. With touching songs like, “Brenda’s Got a Baby” , “Changes “ and “Dear Mama” showed a world of struggles and pain that too many are still experiencing to this day. The heart that Tupac showed throughout his music is nearly absent today. If Pac was angry, his music showed it. If Pac was hurting, his music felt it. Yet at the same time, his wisdom shown bright.
As I began writing, I knew that I wanted ti write something timeless the way that Pac’s lyrics were timeless. Throughout Tupac’s lyrics I realized that it is okay to love people and love your community.

Will Smith- Will Smith is the history of Hip Hop. Will represents the origins of Hip Hop as well as blending current sounds and well written lyrics. Will Smith’s music reminds me of the fun times of lyricism, creating lyrics that allow the listeners  have to fun and enjoy themselves while still being create and complex. Over the years, the true listeners have beeb able to hear the grow of Smith’s lyrics as well as get a sense of how Hip Hop used it to be; fun-loving and enjoying.
With songs like, “So Fresh” , “Pump Me Up” , and “Lost and Found” the listener realizes that Smith knows the history of Hip Hop. Will Smith is also able to make music that is enjoyable for all types of Hip Hop fans, young and old.     
As I grew it was then that I truly realized how fantastic Will smith’s lyrics were, Listening to the music throughout the years, I still get energized by the strength of the lyrics.