The Night Sky

The wind lightly caressed my face. The smell of fish filled the air around me. My hands wrapped around the railing as I leaned into the salty sea air. The pier was empty. Usually about this time the pier would be filled with fishermen and their children. Their fishing rods would be leaning against the railing; a line would be leading into the ocean, bobbing in the waves. But, tonight the pier was silent. The restaurant that was residing on the pier was dark, silent.

The sky was dark, cloudy. The moon was large, but hidden by the dark clouds. The stars were not shinning, they remained bleak, buried beneath the gloomy, unwelcoming clouds. 
I looked out into the ocean. The waves broke gently against the legs of the pier, filling the air with a light rumble. 

I’ve got to do it.  I thought to myself. 

The sea was calm, except for the light crashing below.
My mind filled with thoughts; thoughts of the darkness in my heart, thoughts of the future, which I would no longer be part of.   

I’ve got to do it. I told myself.
Looking into the dark, free flowing ocean, I organized my final thoughts. 
I’m going to do this.

My hands grew tight on the railing. My feet stepped up on the bar, right below the top railing. 
Loosening my grip, I stood up straight. I felt freedom. All of the trouble of the last few days were lifted off of my chest, being caught by the light breeze and lifted away into the night sky. 
I looked down at the sea below. It seemed so peaceful, tranquil, and relaxing. I was ready. As I looked into the peacefulness of the waves, I thought of my family; which would never be whole again. Earlier this week we had experienced a loss: my father, the man who taught me all I knew. The man who risked his life for me and raised me the best he could. Now that he was gone, I was gone. I would never be the same again. 

I couldn’t live without him.

I then thought of my friends, the people who allowed me to grow and learn through their guidance and advice. The people who ensured me that all would be al right, but I know better; things will only get worse. Throughout the next few days I had been pulled apart by these two powers, unsure where I would end up. Now I was here.

I’ve got to do this.
The wind blew lightly against my skin. I closed my eyes, causing a tear to streak down my cheek. I stretched my arms out from my sides, feeling the breeze brush through my fingers. 
I am ready. 

With a final thought of those I loved, I prepared myself and jumped into the silent night.   
                                                                        ***
The wind lightly caressed my face. The smell of fish brought me back into reality. I opened my soggy, puffy eyes to see that I was leaning against the top rail, my feet firmly planted on the pavement. The waves below broke calmly against the pillars of the pier, playing like relaxing music in my head. 

The pier was filled with eager fishermen and their children. Their fishing line’s draped into the waves of the ocean. I heard the ruckus from the busy restaurant behind me. 

I took another look into the night sky through my blurry eyes. “Dad,” I whispered. “I love you and I’m sorry.” I stepped up to the middle rail, straightening my back out. 

My eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with pain. The pain ran through my veins, numbing my body and all my limbs. The breezy air brushed against my body, freeing my mind. “We will soon be reunited. I will be freed.” 

I began to feel small. My mind was filled with thoughts, thoughts of the darkness in my heart; thoughts of the future, the future that I would no longer be part of. In the sky I saw the twinkling of a single star above. I was alone. All the sound around me disappeared, leaving me alone on the pier.

Preparing myself for the jump I thought about the freedom I would soon feel being once again reunited with my father. I looked down into the dark ocean. It was completely peaceful. 

“I will soon be at peace.” I closed my eyes. “I love you, Dad.” I thought aloud leaning forward, preparing to leap. 

With a swift motion, the palm of a rough hand landed on my right shoulder distracting me. I didn’t open my eyes for fear that I would start to cry again. 

“They need you.” A husky male voice said from behind. “You are the man now.”
I opened my eyes, but did not turn toward the voice. 

In a whisper the voice said, “Take care of them. I love you, Dean.”
Dean? That’s my middle name: Christopher Dean Walton. Most people called me Chris, but my father called me Dean. He always told me that Dean was his Father’s name. As a child he never really knew who his father was because his parents split right after his birth. But when he finally did meet his father at the age of twenty-one, they became the best of friends, starting a wonderful relationship. It was then that he realized the importance of family. And it was then that he vowed that he would never neglect his family.   

“Dad,” I said, turning toward the voice. No one was there. Only the fishermen and their children, who had not even realized I was there. 

They need you. Those words stuck in my head. My family: my brother, my sister, and my mother. How could I let them down? Is this how I honor my father, by neglecting the only family I have? 
I stepped down from the railing, wiping the remaining tears from my eyes and glanced at the sky. Among the horizon, small beams of light began to shine through the dark atmosphere, lighting up the sky for another day. 

​With another look into the ever changing sky I said, “I love you, Dad.”