DISCLAIMER: The story you are about to read contains graphic violence and sexual situations. I pray that the reader would be able to look at the deeper meaning of the piece as it relates to Wrestling with Faith. Reader discretion is advised.
The room was dark. A single-bulb lamp illuminated the computer desk. A young man sat before the computer, typing and scrolling through numerous pages. The computer screen was filled with a variety of pornographic websites and social media posts that displayed some of the harshest, most dehumanizing images and video clips that could be imagined. The young man clicked through pictures and video clips, looking for the most stimulating. He stopped clicking and watched. The clip played shows a young girl walking alone through the night. She roamed a barking garage, looking for her car. She was dressed in jeans and a cropped black halter top with thin straps over the shoulders. Over the top was a light tan jacket. As she looked for her car, a figure approached her from behind. The figure’s face was covered, but it was evident that the figure approaching was a male. The male ran up to the young lady as quietly as possible and grabbed her halter top, ripping it off her, revealing her breast to the cold night air. She tried to cover herself, but the male figure made one last attempt to grab her arms and pull them away from her body, laughing while he was doing it. The young lady crouched to the floor, attempting to protect her body. It was not a staged video. The camera was hidden behind a car across from the incident. The young lady was not aware that she would be sexually assaulted, and recorded. She did not know that her humiliation would posted on the internet for strangers to enjoy. The computer screen was littered with these sexual assault videos, each one more grotesque than the last. Some were men being stripped in public by women, where they would laugh at his flaccid penis in the open air; others were women pantsing each other in front of dates and crushes. One video showed one girl tricking another female friend into tying her hands around a tree in the front yard. When the trapped friend least expected it, she was stripped of her clothes and left naked in her front yard. It was daylight, and several cars drove by, witnessing the embarrassment. The young man sitting in front of the computer enjoyed each video, taking time to pleasure himself while watching the humiliation videos. *** The sun shines through the thick clouds in the fall air. The young man strolled through the open sidewalk, his headphones blaring music into his ears as he looked at the road ahead. I need to go to the store. I’m getting thirsty. He thought to himself, heading toward the door of a local grocery store. Upon entering the store, he headed toward the refrigerators by the self-check. He grabbed his favorite energy drink and a small package of sour gummy worms. Let me look around to see if there is anything else we need. He thought as he strolled through the store. Entering the frozen food section, he met eyes with a beautiful brunette. She was dressed in a short white skirt and a tight black shirt that cut off just above the belly button. She was not very tall, which made her thighs and breasts look perfectly proportioned to her body. He couldn’t look away, even though he knew that he should. Look at her. He thought to himself as he started intently. Her skirt would be so easy to pull up. I wonder if she’s wearing any underwear. I bet she’s not. He noticed that none was in the aisle with them. He glanced at the end of each side of the aisle, it was clear. I could do it right now. No one would see, but she would be so embarrassed. It would be funny. He stopped in his tracks, shocked at the thought that intruded into his mind. The young lady in the white skirt was stopped, facing a freezer of frozen pizzas, trying to decide which one to get. He was facing her. He was heading toward her before stopping to decipher the thought that interrupted his day. Shocked at himself, he turned around and sped toward the register. He quickly and quietly paid for his energy drink and sour gummy worms and left the store. *** He stared at the computer. This time, the room was illuminated by an overhead ceiling fan installed in the center of the room. He opened his web browser and opened his web history. He scrolled. In the last few months, he had indulged in pornographic material at least four times a week. Sometimes, he even viewed porn daily. On multiple occasions, he viewed porn and explicit social media posts multiple times a day. As he scrolled through his web history, his mind was flooded with memories of the material he indulged in. As he further studied the history displayed before him, he realized that the content he viewed often escalated in severity. What started with photo stills of nude women turned into videos of explicit sexual acts; then, it escalated into public flashing and humiliation videos and even open abuse. “What am I doing?” He asked himself about the web history still displayed before him. Without opening any of the previous websites that he had visited, he remembered all of them. He remembered the celebrities that had their nudes stolen and leaked; he remembered the Onlyfans websites that he subscribed to. He remembered the chats that he would have with the Onlyfans models, conversations where he sent inappropriate photos of himself, asking the models to mock and humiliate him. “What have you become? I could have hurt someone.” He asked himself, dropping his head onto his desk. He looked down at the carpet beneath him. “This is not who I want to be. This is not who I am.” With the web browser open and the search history still displayed, he cleared the history, leaving a black screen before him, a clean slate. *** The room was dark. A single-bulb lamp illuminated the computer desk. A young man sat before the computer, typing and scrolling through numerous pages. The computer screen was filled with a variety of websites and social media posts promoting the dangers of porn addictions and no-fap communities. “I didn’t realize any of this existed,” He mumbled to himself, reading further on fightthenewdrug.org, which is a sight that provides resources and articles that discuss and raise awareness of the harmful effects of porn. Reading on, Wesley realized that many of the articles used science to explain porn’s impact on the brain. This intrigued him since he wasn’t concerned with religious organizations that shamed adults and young adults for desiring sex. Wesley was currently reading an article entitled “How Porn Can Become an Escalating Behavior”(https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-porn-can-become-an-escalating-behavior/). He found it fascinating, especially since the eye-opening incident at the grocery store. I can’t believe it got this far.” Wesley said, his face buried in his palms. He felt his palms moisten from the tears in his eyes. He looked up from his palms, looking back at the website. He knew that he found something special. He knew that he had discovered a resource that would help him understand his compulsive and addictive behavior. “This looks like he will be a great resource for me,” Wesley whispered, looking at the Fight The New Drug Website. He scrolled through the articles and the videos, reviewing the content found. “I will look into this more.” *** The sun shines through the thick clouds in the fall air. Wesley strolled through the open sidewalk, his headphones blaring music into his ears as he looked at the road ahead. Man, I'm getting thirsty. I need to stop at the store to grab something. Wesley thought to himself as he headed to the nearest grocery store. Once he entered the grocery store, he headed to toward the refrigerators by the self-check. He grabbed his favorite energy drink and a small package of sour gummy worms. It was out of habit that Wesley decided to roam the rest of the store, unsure what he was looking for, yet looking nonetheless. Strolling through the snack aisle, Wesley’s eyes roamed through the snacks. At the end of the aisle opposite Wesley was facing a beautiful blonde with bright blue eyes. She was tall, dressed in a yellow T-shirt and white shorts. Their eyes met as they passed each other. Once she was walking on, Wesley found himself slightly turning his eyes to stare at her butt as she walked down the aisle. This is not acceptable. You’ve got to look away. Wesley told himself as she turned his eyes back to the snacks laid before him. I know it is exhausting, keep your eyes off of her. Wesley told himself. He kept walking down the aisle to avoid the desired sight. With a quick turn, Wesley finds himself in another aisle, surrounded by three more attractive women who are wearing outfits that create a sexualized imagination in Wesley. Keep your eyes up, Wesley. You can not sexualize them. It is not their responsibility to heal you. That’s your responsibility. He pleaded with himself, quickly walking through the aisle. “I need to go,” Wesley whispered as he headed to the self-check register. As he paid for his items, he changed the music in his headphones, hoping to drown out the overly sexualized thoughts that entered his mind. He grabbed his bagged items, thanked the employee standing next to the self-check registers, headed out of the grocery store, and continued down the street. As he continued down the street, Wesley reached into his jeans pocket, pulling out a small coin engraved with “Recovery happens one day at a time.” He looked down at it and returned it to his pocket. ***Note from the Author*** This story is an allegory of Porn addiction, yet it is not a true story. While i focused on the main character's realization of the escalation of porn on the human brain. The purpose of the story is summed up at the end; when the main character begins to realize that their perception of reality is being tainted by their porn consumption. I simply ask that, as the reader, you would have an open heart and open mind to the realities of this powerful addiction. If you, or someone you know is dealing with this particular addiction, please reach out and find help. As a friend of an addict, please be loving and compassionate as they heal and recover. Thank you.
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Anthony K. GiesickI grew up loving stories and quickly found myself loving writing poetry, stories, songs! Here is a sample of what Wrestling With Faith Writings is all about!. Categories |