When reading and learning about the interpretation of the Millennium that is described in Revelation chapter 20, there are a lot of varied thoughts and opinions that the purpose of the “Thousand years” that God has imprisoned Satan. Some believe that the thousand years is the literal number between Jesus ascending into heaven and when Jesus will return; although, some believe that the thousand years describes a figurative period of time until Jesus returns. There are three main ideas or interpretations of this theological concept; it is either Premillennialism, Postmillennialism, or Amillennialism.

    To keep this subject as simple as possible, we will first review Premillennialism. According to the book, Three Views of the Millennium, Michael Morrison defines Premillennialism as, “The premillennialist says that everything will be restored after Christ’s return, not before. Satan is not gradually bound and restricted — the picture in Revelation is a sudden and complete containment” (Morrison, 2019). This implies that the thousand years of Jesus’ reign will begin before he returns to renew the world in Glory. This implies that Jesus will use his time to conquer his enemy and their allies before returning to the world to reveal His glory. This is reiterated by Morrison when he states, “Christ must reign until he has put all enemies under his feet. This is not an instantaneous event: Christ reigns for a span of time in which he destroys all enemies, even the enemy of death” (Morrison, 2019). This concept is further explained in Three Millennium Views, where it is further defined, “Premillennialism is the view that when Christ comes he will set up an earthly kingdom in which Christ is the king, and certain classes of believers are to reign with Him on the earth, over the nations” (https://d2l.macu.edu/content/enforced/55933-BINT120310W122F2/MillPart1.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=8AjL7XIhq4i1CZBODi5rQ170N&ou=55933, n.d.). According to this set of beliefs, Satan was imprisoned at the beginning of the thousand years and will be released near the end, so that God can finish the battle. In that final battle, Satan will be able to gather his own army for the battle. It is also believed that after the battle, Jesus will create a New Heaven and New Earth for the believers.

    The second interpretation of the thousand-year concept is Postmillennialism. In the book Three Views of the Millennium, Morrison defines the concept as “The postmillennialist responds with the belief that God has promised victory for the gospel, and it is right to be optimistic about what God will do even in this age” (Morrison, 2019). This implies that Jesus will return after the millennium to create the New Heaven and New Earth. That means that those that believe in this interpretation believe that there will be a thousand-year period of peace and righteousness before Jesus returns. The writer of Three Millennium Views challenges this point of view when he states that the events of World War I and World War II show that our world is not merely peace and righteousness as we wait for Christ’s return (https://d2l.macu.edu/content/enforced/55933-BINT120310W122F2/MillPart1.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=8AjL7XIhq4i1CZBODi5rQ170N&ou=55933, n.d.).

    The third and final interpretation of the Thousand-year wait is called, Amillennialism. This concept considers the thousand years to be figurative for the believers. It also implies that we are currently living in this time, awaiting Jesus’ return. According to Michael Morrison in Three Views of the Millennium, “In the millennial view, Christ also comes after the millennium, but it is called a millennial or non-millennial because it says that there is no special millennium different from what we are already in” (Morrison, 2019). This implies that Christ’s kingdom is currently in effect, yet it is merely spiritual until Christ’s return. We are currently living in this kingdom and the believers are expected to obey Christ’s Word and display Christ’s kingdom until Jesus’ return. The writer of Three Millennium Views states, “A thousand, the of perfection or completion, is held to be the symbolic reference to the perfect period or the complete period between the two comings of Christ” (https://d2l.macu.edu/content/enforced/55933-BINT120310W122F2/MillPart1.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=8AjL7XIhq4i1CZBODi5rQ170N&ou=55933, n.d.).
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    At this time in my life and understanding of Scripture, I tend to believe the Amillennialism point of view. I believe that Jesus is currently on the throne that was promised to David’s inheritance His is reigning at this time. That means that the church should fully be displaying God’s glory and his presence to the world through our preaching and how we live. One of the primary reasons that I believe this is because of the current struggles that we see in our world as we live. We see brokenness, disease, and war. This is further explained in  Three Millennium Views, “We expect that wars will continue right up to the time of the end when Christ comes to set things right. We expect the elect to gathered out of an evil world, though we do that the command of Christ to preach the gospel to the whole world must be obeyed and that it is our duty to endeavor to establish a Christian society as far as it is in our power to do so, while we have an obligation to do this, we by no means, expect the whole of society will be Christianized”  (https://d2l.macu.edu/content/enforced/55933-BINT120310W122F2/MillPart1.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=8AjL7XIhq4i1CZBODi5rQ170N&ou=55933, n.d.). This is also evident in 1 Corinthians 15:56-58, where Paul emphasizes the victory that already has in Jesus. He states, “56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (NIV, Life Application Study Bible, Third Edition, Bonded Leather, Black, Red Letter, Thumb Indexed, 2019). Jesus gives us that victory now because he is on the throne and has the authority to grant us freedom and victory over sin and death. First, we will experience spiritual freedom and victory then we will be given our new body when Jesus creates the New Heaven and New Earth after his return. As stated in Romans 10:12-13, “12 For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13 for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved” (NIV, Life Application Study Bible, Third Edition, Bonded Leather, Black, Red Letter, Thumb Indexed, 2019). This reveals the power of Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection, which I believe extended throughout history; past, present, and future so that all who call upon the name of Jesus will be saved. I believe that is only possible if Christ’s kingdom is firstly spiritual in nature. As we are spiritual in nature and our first death in Adam and Eve was spiritual. It is because of this, I believe that Jesus first saves the soul while sitting on the spiritual throne and after Jesus’s physical return to Earth, He will renew and transform our physical bodies. Since Jesus is already on the throne and victorious, this means that the conflict between Satan and God has already been completed. This is stated by Micheal Morrison, Yes, says the amillennial view. There is evidence in Scripture that the kingdom of God has already begun, that Satan has already been bound, that there will be only one resurrection, and that Christ’s return will bring the new heavens and new earth, without any temporary kingdom in between. It is a hermeneutical mistake to make the book of Revelation, with all its symbolism and all its interpretive difficulties, contradict what the rest of Scripture says. We need to use the plain scriptures to interpret the obscure ones, rather than the other way around. In this case, the book of Revelation is the obscure and the controversial material (mainly because of the apocalyptic writing style), and the other New Testament verses are clear on the matter” (Morrison, 2019).   
Resources:
Morrison, M. (2019, January 26). Three Views of the Millennium. Grace Communion Seminary. https://learn.gcs.edu/mod/page/view.php?id=4275

https://d2l.macu.edu/content/enforced/55933-BINT120310W122F2/MillPart1.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=8AjL7XIhq4i1CZBODi5rQ170N&ou=55933. (n.d.). Three Millennium Views. Retrieved November 20, 2022, from https://d2l.macu.edu/content/enforced/55933-BINT120310W122F2/MillPart1.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=8AjL7XIhq4i1CZBODi5rQ170N&ou=55933

NIV, Life Application Study Bible, Third Edition, Bonded Leather, Black, Red Letter, Thumb Indexed (Indexed, Thumbed). (2019). Zondervan.

    One of the most common questions that Christian Apologists get asked is “If God is loving and powerful, why does He allow pain?” Truthfully, this is a valid question that needs to be addressed when fighting for the belief in the existence of a loving and all-powerful God. This is a question that needs to be addressed when trying to reason why those that we love and share life experiences suffer and deal with unimaginable pain. This is a valid question for those who have suffered and have begun to think that “Life is Suffering” (Brooks, 2022).

    Initially, our human nature and our natural love for life would cause us to retort with the response, “Life is not suffering”, but the truth is everyone suffers. Everyone deals with pain and everyone is molded by the suffering that they endure. It is through the pain and suffering that we endure that we grow and learn. In the book The Allure of Gentleness, The author writes, “It is only in the heat of pain and suffering, both mental and physical, that real human character is forged” (Willard, 2015). Regardless of the level of pain and suffering that we encounter, whether it be cancer, starvation, homelessness, or heartbreak, we grow and develop through our response to our suffering. When we suffer, our brain activates the pleasure and pain receptors, and those signals will teach us to continue the action that caused the suffering or cancel the action that caused the suffering. Dr. Brooks explains it this way in an article for Psychology Today, “Suffering is not only functional, it serves the greater good! The roots of suffering are grounded in our evolutionary heritage. Suffering motivates us to move away from things that can cause us harm whereas pleasure and happiness help us move toward things that are good for us” (Brooks, 2022).

    Now that we have determined how pain and suffering benefit us in the long run, we need to determine how the Bible discusses pain and suffering.  In James 1:2-4, the author states, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (NIV, Life Application Study Bible, Third Edition, Bonded Leather, Black, Red Letter, Thumb Indexed, 2019). While this verse largely understates human suffering to trials and tribulations, it is evident that the author of the letter of James knows that when we face difficulties in life we grow. In our difficult times, we could either grow to be bitter and resentful or we could use our difficulties to become better people or as the author of James calls it, “perseverance.” When we face pain and suffering head-on, we need to ensure that we do not lose our joy and become bitter and angry.

    The second verse that I believe helps guide our thinking is what the Bible says about our attitude while we endure suffering Romans 5:1-5, “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us” (NIV, Life Application Study Bible, Third Edition, Bonded Leather, Black, Red Letter, Thumb Indexed, 2019). Regardless of our suffering, we can find peace in the suffering. According to this scripture, we have peace through Jesus and Jesus’ love for us. Our perseverance to find joy and hope in our suffering is further connected to God and it is through that love that we find peace in Christ.

    The next section of the valid question that we need to discuss is “Why would God allow suffering?” Many unbelievers wonder why God does not prevent pain and suffering if God is all-powerful and all-loving. Many would argue that since God does not prevent or stop the suffering that we endure then God does not love us as claimed. In the book The Allure of Gentleness, The author writes, “To hold that this second premise is true is to presuppose that God can only be good if he is a Jolly Good Fellow, running to satisfy our every whim and fancy and ease our every pain” (Willard, 2015). Even though God does not immediately eliminate our suffering this does not mean that we are not loved. It shows that God is focused on our overall character that will be created and developed through suffering. Since God is all-powerful and all-knowing, God sees the multitude of outcomes and possibilities that stem from our suffering. It is because God loves us that we are provided with support from our family, friends, and our church family amid our suffering. It is because of God’s love that we find hope and peace in our family as we heal. Dr. Brooks explains it this way in an article for Psychology Today, “Certainly, life can be beautiful, and we should practice gratitude for the many miracles and wonders that life has to offer. That said, another truth is that whether one is a pauper or a king, everyone suffers. Thus, we must learn to skillfully deal with the challenge of suffering, or it will undermine our ability to enjoy life” (Brooks, 2022).
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References
Willard, D. (2015). The allure of gentleness: defending the faith in the manner of Jesus. https://openlibrary.org/books/OL25774788M/The_allure_of_gentleness
NIV, Life Application Study Bible, Third Edition, Bonded Leather, Black, Red Letter, Thumb Indexed (Indexed, Thumbed). (2019). Zondervan.
Brooks, M. (2022, January 25). The Purpose and Problem of Suffering. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-happy-life/202201/the-purpose-and-problem-suffering. Retrieved February 4, 2024, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-happy-life/202201/the-purpose-and-problem-suffering

When we look through the New Testament and the ministry of Jesus, it seems that we often overlook the choosing of the disciples and preparing them for the work that they will later face. Often we focus on Jesus healing the sick or feeding the hungry, but these miracles would have been forgotten if not for the leadership of the disciples.
    After looking at the strategy that Jesus displayed with his disciples, one would get an idea that Jesus was demonstrating a highly effective strategy for preparing men and women for ministry. After this study, it is evident that this strategy is not only effective but necessary for effective ministry. The first step that Jesus displays is choosing the disciples who will follow him and learn from him. These disciples will also inherit Jesus’ ministry and continue it. Throughout the New Testament, it is easy to see that Jesus often chose those who were the least likely to be chosen, yet they were willing to learn from Jesus and accept the calling of God. In the book The Master Plan of Evangelism by Robert Coleman, he states this about the disciples, “Their mannerisms may have been awkward and their abilities limited, but except for the traitor, their hearts were big” (Coleman, 2006).
    Once Jesus chose his disciples, he focused on developing relationships with these men. In Luke 6:12-13 it states, “One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles” (NIV, Life Application Study Bible, Third Edition, Bonded Leather, Black, Red Letter, Thumb Indexed, 2019). This verse shows two very important things; first, Jesus prayed before choosing the disciples, showing that he carefully and prayerfully chose the disciples; and secondly, this verse indicates that Jesus most likely had more followers than the twelve. Yet, he wasn’t choosing followers he was choosing his successors. In the book The Master Plan of Evangelism by Robert Coleman, he adds, “His only hope was to get leaders inspired by his life who would do it for him” (Coleman, 2006).
    When it comes to the American churches of today, especially the church that I attend, I believe that this is one of the most forgotten steps in discipleship. From my experience current-day churches have a single primary focus; get people into the doors of a church. We preach from a pulpit or stage and tell our congregations to simply invite our friends and family to church. We phrase it to feel as if that is discipleship, it is not. Jesus will often demonstrate discipleship by fully investing in the twelve disciples over ministering to the masses. The American church has often forgotten the leaders and fully focused on ministering to the masses and adding to the overall size of the church. This is why so many young pastors burnout and feel unsupported. In the book The Complete Book of Discipleship by Bill Hull, the author states, “Discipleship isn’t for beginners alone; it’s for all believers for every day of their life. Discipleship isn’t just one of the things the church does; it is what the church does.” (Hull, 2014). This is evident in Jesus’ ministry and should be mirrored by the church at all costs.
    looking further into Jesus’ strategy for developing evangelists, one would notice that while Jesus focused on developing leaders, he did not forget about the masses that would seek out help and healing. Jesus was looking for a greater impact through his evangelism. In the book The Master Plan of Evangelism by Robert Coleman, he states, “His concern was not with programs to reach the multitudes, but with men whom the multitudes would follow” (Coleman, 2006). We also see that Jesus helped the disciples to understand the impact of his ministry on the masses. This is evident in Mark 6:30-31, “The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest” (NIV, Life Application Study Bible, Third Edition, Bonded Leather, Black, Red Letter, Thumb Indexed, 2019). These verses indicate that Jesus brought the twelve to places where the masses were being cared for. Which gave them a solid idea of what would be expected; while displaying Jesus’ care for the disciples, giving them food and rest after the people were served and cared for. Robert Coleman adds, “For this reason, unless Jesus’ converts were given competent men of God to lead them on and protect them in the truth, they would soon fall into confusion and despair, and the last state would be worse than the first” (Coleman, 2006).
     In regards to the church that I attend and am being mentored in, I see that this is an area where the church needs a lot of improvement. I believe this is partially because the majority of my church is attended by elderly people who feel they have been disciplined and taught. There are very few young men and women being trained for pastoral care. Also, there are few children and young adults in the church at this point. At this point in my mentorship, I am being trained in preparing and running a church service. I have not had much training in training other leaders in the church. I also believe that I need more training in the various expectations and pressures of a pastor. I believe that I need further training in the spiritual guidance of the congregation and how to spiritually lead members of the church through difficult times.


References
Coleman, R. E. (2006). The Master Plan of Evangelism. Baker Books.
Hull, B. (2014). The complete Book of Discipleship: On Being and Making Followers of Christ. Tyndale House.
NIV, Life Application Study Bible, Third Edition, Bonded Leather, Black, Red Letter, Thumb Indexed (Indexed, Thumbed). (2019). Zondervan.

DISCLAIMER: The story you are about to read contains graphic violence and sexual situations. I pray that the reader would be able to look at the deeper meaning of the piece as it relates to Wrestling with Faith. Reader discretion is advised.

      The room was dark. A single-bulb lamp illuminated the computer desk. A young man sat before the computer, typing and scrolling through numerous pages. The computer screen was filled with a variety of pornographic websites and social media posts that displayed some of the harshest, most dehumanizing images and video clips that could be imagined.
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    The young man clicked through pictures and video clips, looking for the most stimulating. He stopped clicking and watched. The clip played shows a young girl walking alone through the night. She roamed a barking garage, looking for her car. She was dressed in jeans and a cropped black halter top with thin straps over the shoulders. Over the top was a light tan jacket. As she looked for her car, a figure approached her from behind. The figure’s face was covered, but it was evident that the figure approaching was a male. The male ran up to the young lady as quietly as possible and grabbed her halter top, ripping it off her, revealing her breast to the cold night air.

       She tried to cover herself, but the male figure made one last attempt to grab her arms and pull them away from her body, laughing while he was doing it. The young lady crouched to the floor, attempting to protect her body.

        It was not a staged video. The camera was hidden behind a car across from the incident. The young lady was not aware that she would be sexually assaulted, and recorded. She did not know that her humiliation would posted on the internet for strangers to enjoy.

       The computer screen was littered with these sexual assault videos, each one more grotesque than the last. Some were men being stripped in public by women, where they would laugh at his flaccid penis in the open air; others were women pantsing each other in front of dates and crushes. One video showed one girl tricking another female friend into tying her hands around a tree in the front yard. When the trapped friend least expected it, she was stripped of her clothes and left naked in her front yard. It was daylight, and several cars drove by, witnessing the embarrassment.
      The young man sitting in front of the computer enjoyed each video, taking time to pleasure himself while watching the humiliation videos.
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    The sun shines through the thick clouds in the fall air. The young man strolled through the open sidewalk, his headphones blaring music into his ears as he looked at the road ahead. 
    
I need to go to the store. I’m getting thirsty. He thought to himself, heading toward the door of a local grocery store. Upon entering the store, he headed toward the refrigerators by the self-check. He grabbed his favorite energy drink and a small package of sour gummy worms. Let me look around to see if there is anything else we need. He thought as he strolled through the store. Entering the frozen food section, he met eyes with a beautiful brunette. She was dressed in a short white skirt and a tight black shirt that cut off just above the belly button. She was not very tall, which made her thighs and breasts look perfectly proportioned to her body. He couldn’t look away, even though he knew that he should.
    Look at her. He thought to himself as he started intently. Her skirt would be so easy to pull up. I wonder if she’s wearing any underwear. I bet she’s not. He noticed that none was in the aisle with them. He glanced at the end of each side of the aisle, it was clear. I could do it right now. No one would see, but she would be so embarrassed. It would be funny.
    He stopped in his tracks, shocked at the thought that intruded into his mind. The young lady in the white skirt was stopped, facing a freezer of frozen pizzas, trying to decide which one to get. He was facing her. He was heading toward her before stopping to decipher the thought that interrupted his day.
    Shocked at himself, he turned around and sped toward the register. He quickly and quietly paid for his energy drink and sour gummy worms and left the store.
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    He stared at the computer. This time, the room was illuminated by an overhead ceiling fan installed in the center of the room. He opened his web browser and opened his web history. He scrolled. In the last few months, he had indulged in pornographic material at least four times a week. Sometimes, he even viewed porn daily. On multiple occasions, he viewed porn and explicit social media posts multiple times a day.
    As he scrolled through his web history, his mind was flooded with memories of the material he indulged in. As he further studied the history displayed before him, he realized that the content he viewed often escalated in severity. What started with photo stills of nude women turned into videos of explicit sexual acts; then, it escalated into public flashing and humiliation videos and even open abuse.
    “What am I doing?” He asked himself about the web history still displayed before him. Without opening any of the previous websites that he had visited, he remembered all of them. He remembered the celebrities that had their nudes stolen and leaked; he remembered the Onlyfans websites that he subscribed to. He remembered the chats that he would have with the Onlyfans models, conversations where he sent inappropriate photos of himself, asking the models to mock and humiliate him.
    “What have you become? I could have hurt someone.” He asked himself, dropping his head onto his desk. He looked down at the carpet beneath him. “This is not who I want to be. This is not who I am.”
    With the web browser open and the search history still displayed, he cleared the history, leaving a black screen before him, a clean slate.

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The room was dark. A single-bulb lamp illuminated the computer desk. A young man sat before the computer, typing and scrolling through numerous pages. The computer screen was filled with a variety of websites and social media posts promoting the dangers of porn addictions and no-fap communities.
    “I didn’t realize any of this existed,” He mumbled to himself, reading further on fightthenewdrug.org, which is a sight that provides resources and articles that discuss and raise awareness of the harmful effects of porn. Reading on, Wesley realized that many of the articles used science to explain porn’s impact on the brain. This intrigued him since he wasn’t concerned with religious organizations that shamed adults and young adults for desiring sex.
    Wesley was currently reading an article entitled “How Porn Can Become an Escalating Behavior”(https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-porn-can-become-an-escalating-behavior/). He found it fascinating, especially since the eye-opening incident at the grocery store.
    I can’t believe it got this far.” Wesley said, his face buried in his palms. He felt his palms moisten from the tears in his eyes. He looked up from his palms, looking back at the website. He knew that he found something special. He knew that he had discovered a resource that would help him understand his compulsive and addictive behavior.
    “This looks like he will be a great resource for me,” Wesley whispered, looking at the Fight The New Drug Website. He scrolled through the articles and the videos, reviewing the content found. “I will look into this more.”
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    The sun shines through the thick clouds in the fall air. Wesley strolled through the open sidewalk, his headphones blaring music into his ears as he looked at the road ahead.
    Man, I'm getting thirsty. I need to stop at the store to grab something. Wesley thought to himself as he headed to the nearest grocery store. Once he entered the grocery store, he headed to toward the refrigerators by the self-check. He grabbed his favorite energy drink and a small package of sour gummy worms. It was out of habit that Wesley decided to roam the rest of the store, unsure what he was looking for, yet looking nonetheless.
    Strolling through the snack aisle, Wesley’s eyes roamed through the snacks. At the end of the aisle opposite Wesley was facing a beautiful blonde with bright blue eyes. She was tall, dressed in a yellow T-shirt and white shorts. Their eyes met as they passed each other. Once she was walking on, Wesley found himself slightly turning his eyes to stare at her butt as she walked down the aisle.
    This is not acceptable. You’ve got to look away. Wesley told himself as she turned his eyes back to the snacks laid before him. I know it is exhausting, keep your eyes off of her. Wesley told himself. He kept walking down the aisle to avoid the desired sight. With a quick turn, Wesley finds himself in another aisle, surrounded by three more attractive women who are wearing outfits that create a sexualized imagination in Wesley.
    Keep your eyes up, Wesley. You can not sexualize them.  It is not their responsibility to heal you. That’s your responsibility.  He pleaded with himself, quickly walking through the aisle.
    “I need to go,” Wesley whispered as he headed to the self-check register. As he paid for his items, he changed the music in his headphones, hoping to drown out the overly sexualized thoughts that entered his mind. He grabbed his bagged items, thanked the employee standing next to the self-check registers, headed out of the grocery store, and continued down the street.
    As he continued down the street, Wesley reached into his jeans pocket, pulling out a small coin engraved with “Recovery happens one day at a time.” He looked down at it and returned it to his pocket.   

                                                                                 ***Note from the Author***

This story is an allegory of Porn addiction, yet it is not a true story. While i focused on the main character's realization of the escalation of porn on the human brain. The purpose of the story is summed up at the end; when the main character begins to realize that their perception of reality is being tainted by their porn consumption. I simply ask that, as the reader, you would have an open heart and open mind to the realities of this powerful addiction. 
If you, or someone you know is dealing with this particular addiction, please reach out and find help. As a friend of an addict, please be loving and compassionate as they heal and recover. Thank you.    ​

DISCLAIMER: The story you are about to read contains graphic violence and sexual situations. I pray that the reader would be able to look at the deeper meaning of the piece as it relates to Wrestling with Faith. Reader discretion is advised.

“Hey there, babe. Welcome to my Onlyfans page. My name is Valerie the Vixen, you will find the best content; everything from seductive nudes to cosplay of your favorite characters. I also love to play with myself and with my friends. Sometimes I even play with strangers. I promise you, baby, that this will be the best experience that you’ve had.”
    The room was dark, only illuminated by the computer screen. I sat in front of the computer, eyes glued to the images on the screen while I listened to the seductive voice through my headphones. Valerie was a voluptuous woman; her sandy brown hair hung delicately around her face; creating a cute frame. Valerie spoke to me, gently rubbing her full breasts, which rested in a green lace bra. As she squeezed the breasts, my attention was drawn to the sensual actions of this online goddess.
    I soon lost myself in her free content. I combed through her onlyfans.com content, and her other social media sites, collecting my favorite photos and videos; some of the content was fully nude, and others were only tantalizing enough to spark my interest. Her voice was often soft, yet passionate, and her body was warm and welcoming.
    After a long, hard day at work, I want to be at your service; How would you use me? Valerie the Vixen was pictured topless; her breasts firm and perky. She stood at the front door as if she were greeting her male visitor at the door. She was dressed in a pair of purple panties and black heels. I closed my eyes at the sight, envisioning that greeting in person. I imagined feeling her gentle fingertips caressing my chest and stomach. I could feel her fingernails gently impacting the skin beneath my shirt. I looked down and noticed that her nails were well-groomed and matched her purple panties. She always paid attention to the little details.
    “Come on, let’s get you undressed,” She whispered. Her light breath sent shivers down my spine as she led me into the house. I ran my hands up her arms and up to her exposed breasts. She liked a firm hand on her breasts. I could tell that she was becoming more excited. She knew I was as well.
​                                                                                          ***
    I opened my eyes, my webpage was resting on the same photo. I lifted my hand from beneath my pants and continued to scroll through the page, seeing more enticing pictures and videos. I stopped on a short video clip of Valerie wearing a comfortable summer dress. With a slow, gentle motion, Valerie lifted the dressing, clearly showing her panties. She grabbed the waist of her panties and began to lower the garment, revealing a cleanly shaven vagina.
    “Do you want a taste?” She asked, touching a fingertip to her vagina. I wanted to taste it. I wanted to taste it so badly, my mouth was watering. I could even imagine engaging in the sexual act myself.
    I wanted more. I wanted to experience everything that Valerie the Vixen had to offer. I want to feel her soft skin against my own as we embraced in bed or even on the couch; her soft lips lightly kissing my neck and chest.
    I decided to create a profile and subscribe to her onlyfans.com page. When I subscribed, a notification popped up at the side of the screen, under the messages tab.
    “Hey there, babe. Welcome to my Onlyfans page. My name is Valerie the Vixen, Here you will find the best content,” She began laying in bed in a green lace bra and panty set. “I want to hear from you, baby. Send me a message if you are looking for something special.” She added with a smile.
    Hey. I messaged her, scared and unsure if she would respond. I could feel my heart pounding beneath my chest, fear took my breath away. I had never done this before; my mind roamed through every possible scenario; could my information be stolen from the website? Will my attempt to chat with Valerie be screenshot and exposed to my loved ones? Will our chat be seen as cheating? Is this illegal?
    Bling. I heard the notification tone in my headphones; bringing me back to the reality of the chat with Valerie. The chat remained open on my computer screen. The bright red notification stuck out on the screen before me.
    Hey, baby. How are you? How did you find me? She responded. I looked at the words on the screen, actually scared to respond.
    Hey, I found your page through your social media. I nervously typed back, awaiting a response. A moment later, I could track the small bouncing bubbles that danced at the bottom of the screen when the other person was typing out their response.
    That’s great! Do you wanna have some fun? She typed.
    Yes, I responded, my heart bounding more than ever.
    Ooh, baby, What would you like to do? Her words sparked a part of my imagination that I never focused on before. I was intrigued and excited by the direction of the chat. Do you want to see me naked?
    Yeah. I responded, unaware of the answer I would receive. Before I knew it, a new box popped into the open chat. The box was blurred to distort the image and a paywall prevented me from accessing the exclusive material. It was priced at $15. At the bottom of the paywall, it indicated that the folder consisted of a minute-long video and a series of 10 photos.
    Let’s have some fun, baby. Please tip to open the folder. I want to show you what I want to do to you, baby.
    I didn’t know what to do. I focused my attention on the available link. Do I want to pay for the photos? Will this simple click of the mousepad be the catalyst for my fantasies?
    Are you naked in these photos, babe? I typed.
    Of course, I want to get you hard. Open it, babe.
 I clicked on the available link and approved the purchase. The blurred images were crystal clear; I had access to the full folder. Valerie posed in the photos; beginning in her bed, clothed in a powder blue lingerie set. As I clicked through the pictures, her position on the bed changed, and the number of clothes that she wore decreased until she was completely nude, seductively staring down the barrel of the camera, right into my eyes.
    At the end of the photo selection, I watched the video accompanying the pictures; she lay in bed and touched herself. She moaned. I watched the video clip multiple times. Each time I became more turned on and excited. Without realizing it, I was sitting naked in my chair, my pajama pants punched up at my feet.
    Do you like what you see, baby? She typed. Are you hard for me?
    I am so hard, baby. Do you wanna see it?  I asked, my excitement heightened.
    Yes, baby. Show it to me. She typed. I was taken aback. Yet, my excitement got the better of me. I took a photo and shared it with Valerie.
                                                                                          ***
    I woke in my bed to the sunlight peaking through the slits in my blinds, my energy diminished and weak my eyes were heavy. I felt exhausted. I reached for my phone, lying on my side table. I opened it instantly seeing Valerie’s Onlyfans page on my phone’s web browser. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I scrolled through the open chat. I saw the various photos that I shared as well as the various photo bundles that I purchased.
    Shame. It showered over me. Fear. It washed through my mind and coursed through my veins. It had been nearly a week since I subscribed to Valerie the Vixen’s page. Every night I found myself chatting with Valerie. We were sharing inappropriate pictures, and I was purchasing bundle after bundle. I was never satisfied, I wanted more every time.
    “I need to quit,” I told myself, looking at the purchase history over the last week; nearly $400 total. My eyes dropped in shame as I allowed my photo to slip through my fingers onto the floor.  I pressed my palms to my eyes, rubbing them intensively. “How can I quit this?”

                                                                     ***Note from the Author***

This story is an allegory of Porn addiction, yet it is not a true story. While i focused on the main character's brain receiving positive dopamine when consuming porn, the purpose of the story is summed up at the end; when the main character's beginning to feel the negative impact of the addiction over time. I simply ask that, as the reader, you would have an open heart and open mind to the realities of this powerful addiction. 
If you, or someone you know is dealing with this particular addiction, please reach out and find help. As a friend of an addict, please be loving and compassionate as they heal and recover. Thank you.    

The young man sat at the kitchen table, his hands folded before him. His eyes rested shut as he bowed his head toward the illuminated cell phone before him. Even though he seemed at peace, his mind raced.
    The room was dark. The only light came from a ceiling fan that hung above the table, illuminating the space beneath it. The man sat alone, but he wasn’t alone. In the depths of the darkness was a humble home, where his wife laid his young daughter to bed for the night.
    “Hey Keith,” A soft voice spoke as a young woman approached the kitchen table. “How are you doing?” She asked, approaching her husband from behind. With a light touch she glided a finger across his shoulders. She took seat at the table beside her husband.
    “ I can’t believe that this has happened.” He uttered with a soft voice. “This is the last thing that we need, especially at time like this.” He continued.
    “I know that this seems inopportune, but we will be alright,” She said attempting to reassure her husband. “This is a difficult time for everybody. With this virus spreading through the world, everybody is struggling.”
    “I know, I know. I just can’t believe that I no longer have a job.” He interjected firmly, looking up from the table to the eyes of his wife. His face was distorted with worry and his eyes were filled with sorrow.
    “Did Mr. Thompson say that the lay off was permanent? Is there a chance that you will be brought back once the spread is stopped?” She responded, trying to meet his eyesight with love and compassion, yet matching his level of concern.
    “Mia, I don’t know. I work in the food service field. Right now, the restaurant is closed and on lockdown. My job is expendable. I don’t see why Mr. Thompson would hire me back. The only thing that I can think about is you and Annabelle. I need to provide for my family.” He said firmly, trying to keep his frustration at bay.
    “And you still are. Yeah, you’re not working right now, but you are a restaurant manager, who knows everything there is to know about the restaurant. Mr. Thompson would be foolish to not offer you your job back once this all blows over. You are an amazing father and husband. Also, don’t forget that I am still working, My paycheck will cover our bills for a while. We will just have to stretch each dollar for a while.” She explained.
    “I know and I am not trying to devalue your career. I know that working as a Technician at the pharmacy is extremely important. I guess I’m just scared.” Keith admitted. “You know, nothing in life can prepare us for this world wide chaos….”
    “I terrified too. The truth is, I step into work everyday wondering if the pharmacy will be closed. When it’s not I am faced with the reality that anyone I could be carrying the virus and they may not know it.” Mia explained.  “But I can’t allow my fear to break me. Right now more than ever, I am needed.”
    “Yes, yes you are,” He added with a smile. “You’re right.”
    The two sat together at the illuminated kitchen table in silence. The silence grew into comfort. It was a type of comfort that allowed a bond to develop between the two parties. Keith looked into his wife’s eyes and she looked into his. In that moment they trusted one another and they knew they would survive this pandemic.
    Through the silence, Mia shifted out of her chair and headed into the darkness. When she emerged from the darkness, she carried a small folder in her hand. She reclaimed her seat next to her husband. The two of them looked at the item that she retrieved. First, the folder: She opened it up and pulled out the context of the folder. First thing that Keith saw was a set of photographs. The photographs were from four years ago, when Keith and Mia were baptized at their local church.
    “I think we need a reminder.” Mia said calmly, looking at the set of photos. She analyzed the two photos; one of her and one of Keith. Both of them were very happy and full of joy.  After a moment, she spoke again, “Do you remember this day?”
    Keith nodded as a smile spread over his face. “I do. That was what-three or four years ago?”
    Mia agreed, looking at the pictures again.
    “Man, that was a great time in our lives. Everything was going so well for us.” Keith continued, still allowing the sorrow to fill his heart. Mia could feel the heaviness on her husband’s heart.
    “Honey, I know things feel difficult now. But what is the difference between then and now? The difference is us. At this time in our lives, we were better connected with each other and we were better connected with God.”
    Keith scoffed in disbelief.
    Mia continued, “We have always had difficult times in our lives, and the truth is, we always will. Now, I believe that the reason we are struggling so much right now is not the pandemic, but the bond with God that we are lacking. We are not letting God provide for us. I think we need to let God provide for us again.”
    With his head bowed down, Keith spoke, “I remember the church and I remember the baptism. It was a great day and we were happy. I don’t remember God. I remember the difficult times that we’ve faced, but I don’t remember God. I do remember us. I remember us working hard to pull ourselves out of those dumps. I remember the birth of Annabelle and the complete joy that we felt at that time. But I don’t remember God.” His words were sharp, yet gentle. He was speaking from his heart.He felt lost.
                                                                                                ***
Keith continuously found himself at that table, silently sitting in the dark. Every night he returned to the kitchen table after a long day of job searching and remaining in the home, spending time with his daughter. He sat in silence, allowing his wife and daughter to sleep as he protected them.
    On occasion, Keith would peak at his cell phone often awaiting for a text or a message. He desperately awaited the message that work would resume soon. He needed to get back to work. His desire to return to work grew stronger with the rising of a new sunrise. Yet nothing changed.
    God, where are you?
    Keith remained at the table, hoping that the world’s situation would improve, although the words of the news-stations reminded Keith that the pandemic wold get worse before it gets better. There was no hope.   
    How are we going to come out of this?
    No response……..
                                                                                             ***
    The next night, Keith finds himself perched at the kitchen table illuminated at the rotating ceiling fan. For a brief moment, Keith scrolled through his phone as it lay flat on the tabletop before him. He was searching for the text message from Mr. Thompson.
    Nothing.
    Keith combed his fingers through his hair in distress. Sitting at the opposing side of the table was the folder that Mia once showed to him, the same folder that contained the pair of baptism photos. Keith realized that Mia had been leaving the folder out for Keith before she cozied up into bed.
    Keith’s curiosity spiked as he looked puzzled at the folder. Keith reached for the folder and drew it closer to him. Keith placed the folder between his forearms, looking down at it. He paused before he opened the folder before him. He retrieved the contents and laid it before him, atop the pile was the pair of baptism photos.
    Keith found himself rummaging through the pile until he found an envelope that was addressed to him. He studied the envelope, realizing that it was a letter that he wrote to himself. Keith peeled the envelope open and gather the letter, where he opened the letter and spread it out on top of the pile of papers. He read the letter to himself.


The letter read:


Keith,
    It has been years since you’ve done this; write a letter to yourself. This is something that you began doing as a boy, it was always your way of reminding yourself of what you’ve been through. This was your way of dealing with the world around you. This is the best way of getting ahold of you.
    I can only imagine what you are going through. I know that you feel alone and I know that you feel lost. You always wanted security in your life and because of that, you have always chased the most secure aspects of life that you could think of; you’ve chased a successful job and a loving wife and children that you can teach.
    You met Mia and you instantly loved her and you have learned to trust her throughout the years. But I know that when things get difficult, you want your space. You build a wall around your heart and you refuse to let people; especially those who truly love you. You don’t want them to get hurt. You don’t want to get hurt. I have to say that Mia is different. She is trustworthy, She has always stood by your side. Unlike many of the other women that you loved, she has proven that she will not leave when times get difficult.
    It is because of her faith in God that she is able to stand by your side and remain strong. As we all know, life get difficult and we need our family and friends to support us in our lowest point. She does that.
    At the time that I am writing this, We just realized that Mia is pregnant. We were thinking of naming her Annabelle. Also, I was just baptized with Mia. I actually got the privilege to assist in her baptism. We couldn’t be happier! Honestly, when Mia and I first began going to church I was very skeptical. I never fully believed in God and I never fully surrendered to God, but seeing Mia’s faith, and the true actions of the church, God has opened my heart to His word.
    We started going to this church two and a half years ago and I have seen God provide for us as we looked for jobs and fought homelessness. It was then that the church and church members gathered around us and helped us pay our bills until we both found employment. Mia studied and became a technician, which was her first step toward her goal of becoming a pharmacist.
    Not long after, I began a job at a nearby restaurant. We were provided for. God placed people in our lives that were loving and compassionate and they were willing to sacrifice their finances in order to strengthen us in our times of weakness.
    I don’t know what you’re going through, but I know how you act in difficult times; often times you become an introvert who forgets the love and compassion for people around you. You will remember the hard work that it took for you to become successful and you ignore the truth that people are good and God is even better.
    Please, in this difficult time do not forget God and His provision. God has blessed you with a woman of faith who trusts God with all of her heart. Please remember God providing finances and resources through the compassion of complete strangers. Please place you faith in God once again because He loves you.
                                                                                          ***
    Keith sat in the same spot at the kitchen table the next morning. Sitting beside him was his daughter, Annabelle. The young child poured spoonfuls of cereal in her mouth and smiled at her father. Keith was overjoyed at the sight. He smiled back.
    Without a word, Keith lifted himself up from the table and heading for the third bedroom that was used as a home office. Keith retrieved the same folder that he had read from the night before. He grabbed the envelope from the folder and set it aside. Keith also laid a blank piece of lined paper in front of him. He wrote:


Keith,
    Whatever is going on, do not fear but choose to have faith in God’s working hand. He will always provide for you and your family: Annabelle’s life is proof of God’s grace and love. Trust in Him with all things.


Letter from writer:


Dear reader,


I know that these times are uncertain and truly scary for so many of us. I feel for everyone who has lost their job or who is uncertain of the their status of their employment. I wrote this story not to make light your situation. I wrote this story to do my best to understand the fear that so many fear. I pray that you are safe. I pray that your jobs are reinstated once all of this clears up. I know that everything is truly up in the air when it comes to when life will pop back to normal, but I truly believe that each of you are valuable to your family and loved ones and because of that I pray that your spirits stay encouraged. That is my ultimate goal. I want you to know that you are not alone, there is a community around you that loves you wants the best for you.
We at Beautiful Feet Entertainment love you and we will be praying for you through this difficult time.


I truly believe that God will provide for you in this turmoil that we are facing in this uncertain time. I pray that your heart will be open to His purpose and plan for your life. I Pray that you place your trust in the God that created you and knows your  needs at this time. God will provide. I pray that you find your joy in Jesus and your strength in the Holy Spirit and through it all, stay encouraged. ​