The Eulogy

It was dark. The sky was filled with a hopelessness of light. The thickened clouds layered the sky, covering the empty winding road with a gray, bleak ambiance. The winding road was wet from the heavy rain that continued to fall upon it, leaving it slick and slippery for any vehicle that may drive on it. Lightning strikes sent an occasional streak of light through the darkened sky as thunder completed the sound track to the heaviness of the evening.

A set of brightly lit headlights danced through the falling tears of the clouds. The tire tracks of a 1987 Ford F-150 followed closely behind the beams of light. The truck raced through the streets, coursing through numerous twists and turns of the wet pavement.
The knuckles of the driver whitened as he gripped the steering wheel as tightly as he could. He squint his eyes as he maneuvered the machine through the heavy rain pattern. The driver’s mind raced through a series of thoughts as he traveled.

What if they find it? What if they find out? They will see everything that I’ve done, all of it. I’ve got to get rid of this. I can’t start anew with this in my life. It has to go.

 He gripped the steering tighter with each passing thought. As his mind raced, so did the F-150.

Bumps in the road caused the rear end of the Ford to bounce up and down. With every bump, the driver’s eyes peered into the rear-view mirror as he remembered the contents that rested in the back of the truck. “I’ve got to get rid of this,” The driver whispered to himself, steering the car slightly through the dark night. “Where can I hide it?” He tightened his grip on the steering wheel, pushing the acceleration pedal closer to the floor in hopes that that the vehicle will reach its destination faster.

“I’ve got to make sure nobody ever finds it.” With stress filling his voice, he rolled his eyes from one point of the wet road to the other as he contemplated the perfect hiding place.  “I can’t wait to rid myself of all of this.” He muttered as he rolled his eyes into his mind, journeying through his memories. As he coursed through his thoughts, he face melted into a variety of emotional expression of displeasure.

With a pivoted head, the driver drove off of the paved road and found that he was driving on a slightly bumpy dirt road that was moist from the rain. Large trees covered the vehicle, keeping the rain from soaking the car or the dirt road.

“Oh, yes. This is perfect.” The man smiled as he got closer to the perfect hiding spot. “I will finally be free. I will finally be able to start off anew.” The man smiled. The F-150 was brought to a complete stop in a dirt field that was shielded by the large trees. Climbing out of the driver’s door, the driver ensured that he had found the correct spot, turning his head in a complete circle, noticing that his vehicle was completely surrounded by the trees.

“Oh, yes,”

The bed of the F-150, which was covered by a metal enclosure, was opened, revealing a largely rolled up piece of cloth. The roll was held together by multiple belts fastened together until fully wrapped around the roll of cloth. The large roll of cloth was surrounded by large boxes of childhood memories and belongings of the driver. The man looked down at the large cloth, smiling. Next to the large roll of cloth, there lay a wooden shovel. The man wrapped his rough fingers around the wooden handle of the shovel and pulled it from the bed of the Ford.

What have I done? What would they think of me if they knew? I’m horrible, I’m disturbed. They would never speak to me again. They would never forgive me. That’s why I had to do it. This was necessary.     

The metal edge of the shovel was shoved into the moist dirt, standing on its own. Dirt was shoveled away until a 6 foot deep hole lay open before the dirt covered man. He breathed heavy as he looked at the open ditch that lay before him.  Next to the 6 foot deep ditch where large mounds of uprooted dirt; the shovel’s metal edge buried in the mounds, keeping it upright.

Grab it out of there. Let’s get this done. They will be here soon, I just know it. Let’s move.

“Uggh,” The man grunted as he pulled the large roll of cloth out of the truck’s trunk. The roll of cloth was long horizontally. He slump the large roll of his shoulder. The roll of cloth showed itself as heavy as the man slumped when he walked with the large roll over his shoulder. Every step was purposely balanced to steady the horizontal cargo on the man’s shoulder. The moisture from the rain drenched the cloth, making it heavier.

Oh, my God! I can’t believe I’ve carried this around for all of this time. It’s time to rid myself of this. It’s time to stop struggling and get this off of my chest.  I’m finished.
 
With a great push the cargo was sent into the 6-foot ditch that was dug by the anxious young man.

“I’ve got to get rid of this.” He muttered to himself, grabbing the wooden handle of the shovel and retrieving it from the dirt pile that rested next to his feet. With a hurried hand, the young man began to pile the damp dirt on top of the large roll-up cloth. “I’m almost there. I am almost free. Soon I can go home. I can move on.” His words were motivation to himself as he continued to shove the metal shovelhead into the excess dirt and tossed it rapidly into the ditch.

He stopped.

He stared into the half-filled ditched. One end of the rolled of cloth was nearly uncovered from the mismatched piles of dirt. He looked at exactly how the dampened cloth clung to the contents of the roll, creating indentions in the cloth. As the cloth settled on to the contents of the roll, the indentions began to form what could only be described as a face.

“I’ve got to see it.” He whispered to himself, still staring at the apparent face in the rolled-up cloth. His was a frozen in fear. He barely blinked as he stared intently. He slowly stepped toward the opposite end of the ditch and stepped into the ditch.

You’re stepping on it. It’s right beneath you. He thought to himself as he turned around, looking down at the roll. He slowly planted a knee into the dirt and moved a trembling hand toward the edge of the roll. With a light touch he ran his fingers on the edge of the roll, feeling the rough edges on his fingertips.  “What are you afraid of? It’s dead. It’s no more. You are free from it; all you have to do is finish the job.”

“I’ve got to see it, one last time.” He whispered to himself, his fingertips still sliding along the end of the rolled-up cloth. He gripped the edge of the cloth and began to peal it away. He first saw the soaked hair; brown. He then began to see the forehead and eyebrows; also brown. When he reached the eyes, they were closed, but he remembers the color of them as well; brown.

Every inch that the cloth peeled off of the face, the more anxious the young man became. “I’ve got to see it. I’ve got to make sure that it’s the right person.” He continued removing the wet sheet from the face of the victim, until the sheet reached beyond the chin, revealing the neck.

He stood.

He smiled.

“It’s him. It’s him. Oh, thank God, it’s him. ” He studied the face, even though he has seen this face billions of times. He had seen this face for the last twenty-nine years; for the face that he was looking at in the watery grave was his own.

He dropped to his knees in relief. With his two hands intertwined and his eyes closed, he spoke, “Father, please forgive me. This body is not who I am anymore. This is the body of my disobedience. This is the body of my brokenness. I burry reminisce of my old ways here to follow you truly and whole heartedly. I ask that you forgive of all of my disobedience and brokenness. I ask that you forgive me for all of the times that I chose to abandon you. I need you. I ask that you would empower me with your Spirit and guide me. I do not wish to return to this spot. I do not wish to return to this body. I do not wish to return to my old ways. I chose to follow you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.”

Using the shovel, he hoisted himself up to his feet and climbed out of the grave. With a few final scoops of dirt, the body was completely buried beneath the freshly laid dirt. Looking to the sky he sighed. He sigh was a mixture of relief and exhaustion.

Dragging the shovel behind him by the wooden handle, he made his way back to the Ford F-150 with the enclosure over the bed of the truck. The rain drops eased his aching muscles. Each step toward the F-150 was a mile long.

“In that grave was all my fear.
Bury my pain and hatred right here.
In that grave was all my fear.
Bury my mistress actions right here.
Help me see clear. Help me draw near.
Mercy is so much more, it’s right here.
Help me see clear. Help me draw near.
You’re not far away, I Know you’re right here.”
 
 
 











 
 
Romans 8:12-14
12 So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. 13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons[f] of God.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
*End quote from Braille’s 2009 album “Cloud Nineteen” published by Hip Hip Is Music